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Funny quotes on man and woman

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Sign in with Facebook Sign in options. Join Goodreads. Quotes tagged as "men-and-women" Showing of A woman's face is her work of fiction.

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35 Classic Quotes About The Differences Between Men & Women

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We men are often the brunt of some disdain from the female of the species and quite rightly so! The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

I need all the publicity I can get. Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. Women have their faults, men have only two: everything they say, everything they do. Beware of men who cry. Women want mediocre men, and men are working to be as mediocre as possible. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause — you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation. No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.

In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something. I thought the only thing they were allowed to do was shake hands or fight.

Every man I meet wants to protect me. Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealings with men. Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men. If you enjoyed these funny quotes about men, why not check out all our other funny quotes and sayings too, including these:.

Funny Quotes About Men

We men are often the brunt of some disdain from the female of the species and quite rightly so! The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things. I need all the publicity I can get. Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid.

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change.

Milk Snort! The Joke Game. More Info - Watch The Video. Hilarious quotes and funny sayings about women.

Funny Men And Women Quotes

Women now have choices. They can marry or not marry, have a job or not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have two choices: work or go to prison. Men are very simple creatures. They can survive a whole holiday with only 3 things: beer, shorts and the remote control. To be happy with a man, woman needs to understand him a lot and to love him a little. To be happy with a woman, man must love her a lot and not even try to understand her. The ideal man returns home early, doesn't flirt with other women, doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't gamble and God created men with both, a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to run them at the same time.

300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

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Funny Quotes About Men to Make You Laugh Till Your Insides Hurt

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And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war… Just couple of nations not talking with each other. Women are like telephones they like to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected :]. You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and out the other. Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth.. Women get the last word in every argument.

Man Quotes

Life is too short to be spent in being sad and cribbing about things. A funny incident here and there can help add a glint of smile to a boring day. Anything hilarious, be it a funny scene, incident or even a quote, always brings sunshine to a gloomy day. Funny quotes about anything can help keep your life on a high note. At this point of time, all we need is a dose of laughter, which can put our life back on track.

May 25, - "How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?" "Young men.

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