How to help a partner suffering from depression
I suffer from depression myself and I know how tough it can be. But I want to talk to the partners - the people living with the people who are living with depression. It can make them say and do things that you just don't understand. I spent three years talking to more than people about their experiences with love, sex, and depression for my book, The Monster Under The Bed. These are their tips.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to Help Someone with Depression or Anxiety
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 10 Tips for Staying Sane When Your Partner is DepressedContent:
- How to Deal with a Depressed Spouse
- When Depressed Husbands Refuse Help
- How to cope when your partner has depression
- 9 Tips for Helping a Partner with Depression
- How to support a depressed partner while maintaining your own mental health
- How to help someone with depression
- Online forums
- How to Help Your Partner Through Their Depression
How to Deal with a Depressed Spouse
Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health.
Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.
This has helped give me some guidance in supporting and staying strong for my husband and our children. I am trying and failing consistently as husband is more depressed then ever and has now retreated to living under the house It's good you've found your way to our supportive forums. Just letting you know Carmel wrote the post a long time ago So pleased to see you have found it useful in your current circumstances.
I'm a little sad though that you feel like you are Helpless, but sure you are not. It just feels that way at times. It's the depression.
Depression is debilitating for people at times, it takes time to heal and recover. If you want to talk some more, feel free to join in the discussions that happen in the forums by doing keyword searches in the Beyond Blue search field or by doing a Google search and adding Beyond Blue.
You can also start your own thread under the forum you think is the best one for you. Also, the BB homepage has a webpage - Looking after yourself. This is so important.
When you're up to it, have a look there as well. It may have some more useful tips. Have you thought about contacting the Carer Advisory and Counselling Service? This service provides family carer support and counselling.
You can contact your state or territory branch of Carers Association on free call from landlines. This is not new, I've been dealing with it for a long time, but what I am having trouble with is establishing a sleep schedule without making him feel like crap.
He just wants to talk and talk at night, and I need to get up and go to work. Fortunately I have some flexibility, but I am sick of still being at work after 6pm at night It's not always him that makes me stay up late, but when I am trying, he just won't listen until I get nasty with him.
Last night he went to go sleep on the couch, and I got him to come back by apologising and saying I'd be quiet and not complain. Any ideas on how I can set a firm boundary so I can get enough sleep except during emergencies of course , without making my husband feel like a lowlife? Hi purple people eater. Seems like you are going through a tough time. I also have experienced something similar like this.
I live in an apartment with my friend. We share the same room. It was like 1 years ago that his grandfather passed away. He had spent 18 years with his grandfather back in his home country where they used to live together.
He had so much love, care, affection for his grandfather. He used to tell us that his grandfather was a source of motivation for him.
But after his death, he had been helpless. He used to stay alone most of the time. Remained stressed,overthink and so on. He barely slept at night. Light was always on in the room which deprived me from having a proper sleep as well.
This was creating a lot of problem in his personal and professional life as well. Hence, we friends thought that it is important to take him out of this. We took some off days in week. We never left him alone. One among 4 flat mates was always with him. We went for movies, dinner and so on. This was done just to make sure that his mind remains engaged and he does not have time to think about his stress.
I know this looks difficult. However,I think you need to support your husband. Please try not getting angry. He needs your support. I think you also should try keeping hims engaged. You should also try to know the real reason behind his anxiety and depression.
You are going very good in supporting him as I liked your way of apologising. However,being a strong woman you need to solve this and make sure you get back to a happy,cheerful and normal life and lie on bed with peace.
Hi Purple People Eater, thank you so much for your bravery in posting this. Thanks for your reply. Yes, you can really love someone without wanting to sacrifice sleep for them We get compassion fatigue if we don't have enough self-care and support for ourselves in the tough times. Speaking from experience, when I don't get enough sleep, my brain doesn't work very well and I become more irritable and paranoid I once even gave him a well-prepared ultimatum when I was well-rested , and he came through, turning over a new leaf on that problem immediately.
I was dating my partner for a year and during that time he was officially diagnosed with bipolar, ptsd and personality traits.. I was very supportive and loving to him during our relationship however I asked to take a break around 7 months in as I felt myself becoming very anxious and upset due to his experience. I had witnessed him trying to overdose on medication and I had witnessed him become over raged.. He says he misses me but that he feels so tired and is only interested in work and gym and going home.
I feel so upset and useless. I understand you are suffering, but believe me it can be much worse. I know, because my partner of 26 years has a bipolar and we have a child who needs to be protected. I am so tired of always being a reasonable adult and walking on egg shells. Marcia 30, I cannot say its the same but similar, I am feeling very helpless as my bf who was very loving has suddenly requested for space. Initially i thought it was because he was over me but he asked me not to worry and that he has some issues he needs to deal with alone and to give him sometime to himself.
He says there is no other too but he has been very irritable and would even say mean things to me and then apologies. He is acting out of character and very negative saying things like "he is not the one for me", "my mom wouldn't like him and would want me to stay away from him", "i have always felt you do not want us to work".
He is very insecure and thinks i am cheating on him all the time. I know he asked for space but i have still been contacting him once in 2 days or so to tell him i love him and miss him. I do not get a response. Not sure what to do? Do i keep going? Please help. It has been very hot and cold since. I am not sure what he even has. I have been showing love and affection as much as I can, there are times i get so angry with him and express it too. If a week goes by with no contact, he initiates so that is good.
I just hope he confides in me one day and lets me in. Its hard to be in the dark and feel helpless. We have no physical intimacy since 4 months, i have even tried to openly tell him I miss that aspect of our relationship.
He says he does too, but never does anything about it. This morning he said "Good morning my love.
When Depressed Husbands Refuse Help
Try these: time management relationship advice healthy lifestyle money wealth success leadership psychology. When you married your partner, you agreed to love and support them for better or for worse, through sickness and in health. Though you may have found it easy to maintain your connection when you were both in a good mental space, your vows are tested when one of you experiences emotional issues. Relationships take work, and those that are marked by a depressed spouse take even more work than usual. Whether you are learning how to communicate better or are striving to keep the passion alive in your partnership, you must continually work on both the relationship and yourself to sustain a healthy union.
Back to Mental health and wellbeing. Feeling down or depressed from time to time is normal. But if these feelings last 2 weeks or more, or start to affect everyday life, this can be a sign of depression. Depression can develop slowly. Someone who's depressed doesn't always realise or acknowledge that they're not feeling or behaving as they usually do.
How to cope when your partner has depression
When one spouse has depression, it can put a strain on a marriage. Living with a depressed partner who is often unhappy, critical and negative isn't easy, and at the same time, it may also be hard to persuade a husband or wife to get help. Jay Baer, a psychiatrist and director of ambulatory services in the department of psychiatry at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. Depression results from shifts in brain chemistry that influence mood, thoughts, sex drive, sleep, appetite and energy levels — all factors that could affect a marriage, as well as disrupt home and family life. You bet," Baer said. But the condition can also be uniting: There are plenty of instances when a couple faces the illness together, and it becomes another one of life's many challenges, he said. Team up to tackle depression rather than allowing it to drive a marriage apart. Actively work to help your spouse get better, whether it's taking a daily walk together, providing a ride to a doctor's appointment or ensuring that medication is taken. Dealing with a partner's depression can provoke anger and resentment, especially if one spouse is often making excuses for a loved one's social absences, or if some household responsibilities might need to temporarily shift. When a spouse acts withdrawn and unaffectionate, a couple's sex life and level of intimacy will suffer.
9 Tips for Helping a Partner with Depression
Standing on the sidelines when a partner battles depression can feel like a helpless experience. You might feel confused, frustrated, and overwhelmed. You are not alone. Depression is an isolating illness that can negatively impact relationships and leave loved ones feeling helpless and afraid. The mood in major depression is often described as sad, hopeless, discouraged, or feeling down, but it can also include persistent anger.
T here is no lightning-bolt moment when you realise you are losing your sense of self; just an absence. When you are caring for someone you love, your wants and needs are supplanted by theirs, because what you want, more than anything, is for them to be well. Looking after a partner with mental health problems — in my case, my husband Rob, who had chronic depression — is complicated.
How to support a depressed partner while maintaining your own mental health
When your spouse has depression , you might be very worried, and feel utterly helpless. After all, depression is a stubborn, difficult illness. Your partner might seem detached or deeply sad. They might seem hopeless and have a hard time getting out of bed.
It can be hard to be in a relationship with someone with depression. Also, depression can make someone more irritable, angry, or withdrawn. The symptoms of depression may lead to more arguments, frustration, or feelings of alienation. Although depression can be challenging, most people want to do what they can to help. If your partner has depression, here are some ways you can help her through it and maybe even strengthen your relationship in the process.
How to help someone with depression
To the outside world, Emme lived a charmed life. She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl. Phillip Aronson, the wonderful man she married, found himself in a downward spiral of depression, even attempting suicide at one point to escape his pain. Phil was always an energetic partner, excited to go to work each morning either to the showroom to check on the latest graphic designs for the Emme line or to attend meetings about some new project. He was a caring and loving father. I never felt more alone. However, many experts feel these statistics are simply wrong. Depressed women on the other hand may blame themselves, but then they ask their doctor for help.
As men, we like to think of ourselves as strong and in control of our emotions. When we feel hopeless or overwhelmed by despair we often deny it or try to cover it up. But depression is a common problem that affects many of us at some point in our lives, not a sign of emotional weakness or a failing of masculinity. It affects millions of men of all ages and backgrounds, as well as those who care about them—spouses, partners, friends, and family.
If you are in a relationship with someone who has depression, you are likely struggling with a mix of emotions and hosts of questions. What's it really like to feel depressed? What can you do to help them through hard times? How will their symptoms and treatment impact your relationship?
How to Help Your Partner Through Their Depression
Being in a romantic relationship when one or both of you suffer from depression is a massive challenge. Depression can make your partner seem distant. None of that means your relationship is the problem. You two can tackle this together.